i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
