She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
