i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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