Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
