ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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