Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
