I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
