apparently the secret to your success is patron
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
