also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
