I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
