I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
