i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
