GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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