Me. At least after what I've been through.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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