No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
