Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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