living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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