you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
