Where did you get a picture of my penis
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
