Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
