It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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