The maid of honor just puked.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
