So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
