I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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