well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
