and you said cock pushups were impossible
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
