Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
