I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
