i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
