Betty ford says i'm here all night
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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