You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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