im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
In other news, I just burned my penis
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
