you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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