Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
