Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
did you just send me my own nude
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
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