Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
