the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
