i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize