Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
