apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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