My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
