That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
