so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
