There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
