And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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