I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
