I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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