i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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