I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
