I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
