we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
