He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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