Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I smell stomach acid.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
