I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
