I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize