There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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