Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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