And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
