allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
