Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
