remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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