what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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