he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Randomize
