My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
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