I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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