I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize