you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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