Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
