So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
