I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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