so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
