Just fell off a train. Bad.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
