Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
