What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
