That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
false alarm, still single
Randomize
