I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
