I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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