perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
