wake up i wanna do it froggy style
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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