remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
