I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
