i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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