sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize