She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
