I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
