found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
