even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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