Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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