so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
