is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
