dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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