i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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