Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Randomize