You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
