my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
