i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
