I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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